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Saturday, December 30, 2006

Yes, i know this is long, but...

What a crock...IKEA...please...

OK – so, I know I'm not the hippest guy around, nor do I care. I have been many places, done many things, but one thing that had eluded me was a reason to go to and buy things from an IKEA store. Well, Friday was my day. Marcus and I went to the Atlanta store in order to get some things for the new offices. Specifically these cool, clear whiteboards to put in the conf. room around the LCD TV, and a barstool set for my office for people to hang out in. So, with this in mind, we set out also knowing there are other things to get while we're there. Art, other furniture, etc. We walk into the store around noon, thinking it would take a couple of hours to get our stuff and get out. Well, we were SO wrong.

First, I think the word IKEA means 'idiot' (not really, but no one has ever said that the Swedish [who came up with the idea] are very smart, nor are the Dutch [the actual owners] for that matter). Keep in mind the socialist origins of the company and the fact that the countries are socialist and you can start to “appreciate” IKEA.

Here are some things I found out:
1 – We as customers are stupid and know nothing while shopping, however when it comes to taking everything home we are supposed to be smart enough to put everything together without good instructions.

2 – Products at IKEA are cheap because they are cheap. No quality, just cheap stuff – which is OK if you want cheap stuff. I was under the impression you could get pretty nice stuff for a low price. Heh. Wrong. You get what you pay for...I don't know why I always think that statement can be proven wrong.

3 – The inventory system sucks. Period.

4 – Their computer systems are not coordinated which is baffling.

5 – Food. Hmmmm.... At least they offer it since they screw you in going through the store and make you extremely hungry in the whole process of getting you lost etc. Which is actually quite brilliant, but can really tick you off. Heh.

So, apparently you are supposed to follow the arrows on the floor and see everything you want, write it down and go downstairs and pick it up and check out and go home. Heh. Too funny.

Well, we start out going through all the rooms to try and find what we need. We find most everything within the first hour and a half. The we eat. I had an open-faced shrimp sandwich and Marcus had meatballs. Large variety of swedish food...hahahaha – there's really not anything else to get. Heh. We then proceed downstairs and find more stuff, which we put in our cart and after about another hour and a half, we get to where we are picking up our stuff. Well we get there and find out that most of our stuff can't be picked up due to the fact that we didn't have the people upstairs configure the furniture for the conf room. Here's a problem. Walking backwards through the store to get back to the beginning – what a joke. Another hour and a half later we are ready to get in line to pick up our stuff and check out.

If you're keeping up, that's 4.5 hours so far. We then wait another 15-30 minutes in line to check out and another hour of crap during/after checkout that totaled up to 7 hours at IdIOT...I mean IKEA.

Here are some highlights of the day.

While going through the store we stop in the fabric section. Yes fabric. We were looking for blinds for windows, etc. and started looking at fabric to hang on the wall. Well, to be funny we start speaking with lisps and marcus gets a call from his wife (who was at home sick) and he tells her what were doing (no we were not 'shopping') and then while on the phone I wrap some fabric around my waist and ask what he thinks...and he starts dying laughing. The lady at the cutting counter looks at me and says, I can cut that when you're ready. HAHAHAHAHA – So we gave her some fabric to cut. ;) Too funny. I don't think the real gay people there thought we were funny, oh well. Oh, speaking of gay people there...I wish I had a pic. There was a black gangsta gay couple there we saw after checking out. They were sharing an ice cream cone and everything...talk about throwing you for a loop. I even looked to see if they had their 'colors' on them (pink or purple) but I didn't see them. I digress.

We also had to find a fagot bundle (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fagot), an Audrey Hepburn print and a pink chair. All of which we found...but we only purchased the fagot bundle.

Speaking of purchasing...we get in the checkout line and wait, and wait...and wait...finally we approach the counter and proceed to ring up items. During the process, I notice the Daim caramel bars are on sale 3/$1.00. I hand three to the cashier and ask him to go ahead and ring them up b/c I am hungry and wanted to eat them. He appreciated this (he was a bit hefty himself) and started to do so. They didn't ring up on sale. He was apologetic and proceeded to fix the problem. Then his cash register locked up after ramming random pieces of paper in it. Then he has to call the manager to come over and fix the register. Where's the humor in this? Let me tell you. We had been there 6 hours going through this stupid store (which is so like shopping in a 3rd world communist country) he had already taken 15 minutes to try to fix his register, we were buying about $1000 worth of stuff, and this was after the inventory fiasco which I haven't even written about yet. And I'm not going to bore you with it either (just know that what the computers say upstairs and what they say downstairs and what they actually have in inventory are all 3 different. Repeat - are not the same – Neither are the locations...i have printouts to prove this – anyway...back to checkout).

I tell the guy...”Seriously dude, this is not worth 77 cents to me. I have already spent almost 7 freakin' hours in this place and will gladly pay an extra dollar if necessary to be out of here. So please don't worry about the 77 cents.” He looks at me like I'm crazy. As if to say, “you are shopping at Ikea and are not worried about 77 cents?”

When his manager walks up, he tells him what I said and the manager gives me the same awestruck gaze. I almost felt like a rock star. Hahahahaha

After we check out, we go to pick up our special selections that we bought upstairs (yes you pay for things in different places - no i don't know why) just to walk over and return some of them because of their inventory mess-up – that's really a long story. And the more I think about it the more it really ticks me off because it was all about my bar table that now I don't have. I have no idea how a business that big can be so inefficient.

This is a long post and I had pictures on my phone, but didn't get them off yet.

Oh yeah and before I forget....another funny thing happened. Back on the whole gay thing (since we were two guys shopping at Ikea – although not gay...hahahaha) I was talking to one of the swedes about the stuff we were getting and spoke to him in swedish (one of the few phrases I know in swedish – another long story. FYI i speak a lot of languages... hehe). Well, after prefacing to him, I didn't mean this weird, I just wanted to practice it since I haven't spoken Swedish or Norwegian in about 10 years – I said my phrase. He looked at me, smiled and then gave us a discount on what we bought. I then thanked him, and marcus and i went on our way. Marcus was a bit befuddled and I was laughing. He asked what i was laughing at and what I said in Swedish.
I said, “Well, fortunately or unfortunately the only phrase I can remember in swedish is 'I love you'. I guess he liked it and gave us the discount.”


HAHAHAHAHA – true story

Thursday, December 28, 2006

has every comapny done this?

OK - is it just me or does it seem like every company has done this??? Even the company reporting the story...crazy.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

goodnight, Mr. President...

Yesterday we lost a man who was a unique part of American history. Gerald Ford died. He was 93 years old and was the only man to have been President without being elected. Everything I ever heard about him was that he was a man of integrity and an ethical politician.

Whether you feel he should have pardoned Nixon or not, I think that decision was a good one for the country to have the matter resolved and dealt with and to move on. Even though he wasn't elected President, he will be missed.


In other news...

I went out and bought Call of Duty 3 yesterday for the Wii. OMG! That game is frickin' hard to get used to...but seriously, it is the coolest game. You totally feel like you're in it. I had to take a break from it after about an hour or so playing. It is a bit stressful. With the wii, you actually come up on an enemy in a house, they grab your rifle and you have to fight and shake them off then hit them etc. i'm so used to the keyboard style of play and this is all interactive...and the aiming and shooting, using the trigger...it's almost like a pistol (without the recoil). So cool.

Yes we are addicted to the thing. heh

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

and this little piggy went wii, wii, wii, all the way home




WOW! Christmas is over and how fun it was. I think this was a great Christmas for the kids! Of course the big things for each of them was a HUGE dollhouse (taller than the lib) and a Nintendo Wii. I'm telling you, that thing is awesome! We've boxed, golfed, played tennis, played baseball, bowled, skateboarded, raced cars, even got some donkey kong and super mario bros. in there as well...this is by far the coolest game system ever! in my humble opinion, the PS3 may have better graphics, but it totally sucks compared to gameplay and price!! ;) Of course I got all of my stuff discounted, so I didn't even pay as much as the regular store price, much less those ridiculous prices on ebay, etc. I'm even thinking about getting a couple more games already too, just to see how they play...hahahahaha.

Well, with that being said, Here's some of our pics from Christmas...

enjoy.

Friday, December 22, 2006

funny & cool

OK, so today beinf funny friday, I've got something good for you. I watched The Ringer the other night with Johnny Knoxville and it was a really good movie. You need to see it. Now, in the movie there is a band at the dance called xTheKidsofWidneyHighx, and they were actually really good. i wanted to make sure they were real, and they are...so I bought some of their stuff off iTunes and have decided to let you in on one of my favorites. LifeWithouttheCow. Now you will notice it's staticky and everything, so if you like it you will have to go buy it - the real one sounds really good. Enjoy.

And for tomorrow...I am going to make the announcement to you today. It's official...a new venture that we are embarking on. We have generated a lot of buzz in just the past few weeks, and certain coMpanies That we'Ve talked to have decided to help us bring something very cool to this very town. I'll give you a little preview...a very little preview. ;) I wish I could talk about it more, but until I can, let me know if you like to play video games. ;)

I will probably not be blogging again until next week, so until then...Merry Christmas!! Actually in Tuesday I just may give you a fullon review on the Wii. If I can get away from playing it...hahahahaha

Thursday, December 21, 2006

the office

ok - i promised this yesterday, but i went ahead and switched my blogger stuff over and that literally took all day! So, without further ado, enjoy pics of my new digs...roughly 2000 (a little over that) sqft. ;)









Tuesday, December 19, 2006

today's 2fer

1 - big presentation in a little bit that could go a LONG way. ;) A very very cool web concept that we are helping on that will eventually find it's way to an iNternatIonal KEwl shoe company. ;) I'm very pumped about it. more on it later...

2 - the office is finally painted, etc. I will post pics of it later (probably tomorrow - today is a bit too busy). wow. have I mentioned lately how much I love my new job?

Monday, December 18, 2006

answers

people keep coming up to me finding out that i am no longer working for my previous company and wondering why. only those closest to me knew that i hated that job and had prayed about finding something else for about a year without actually "advertising" myself being available. I had a few good "hush hush" interviews, several offers for out of town (but I didn't want to move - there arent too many good/cool jobs around here) and ultimately kept coming back to the position I am currently in because of the people involved and the huge amounts of potential and the fact that I can directly impact the growth of this region and this new venture. My old job had gotten to the point of me not really being in charge of anything fully focused on and no one would listen to my ideas for the business as a whole. A little frustrating, but i had gotten used to it.
Well, now, I have a huge amount of input and this new venture is going extremely well. And I couldn't be happier. I don't have to wear a 'uniform', there is no ceiling on what can happen and the thought processes that are involved with the people here is amazing. It is really awesome! And to think that in a couple of years we will most likely be employing about 20-30 people too! With good/cool jobs. Insane.

So, I know today is motivational Monday, so - from one of my favorite quotable people:
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

George Burns (1896 - 1996)

Friday, December 15, 2006

tv

Last night "the office" Christmas episode was absolutely hilarious! That is by far one of the funniest shows on tv (#2 only to "the family guy"). In case you didn't know it, dwight has a blog (http://blog.nbc.com/DwightsBlog/) which is amusing at times. So, in honor of Dwight and his Christmas Goose (heh), here are some interesting facts about geese:

Geese Facts

Next fall when you see geese heading south for the winter... flying along in V formation...you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way:

As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in V formation the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range, than if each bird flew on its own.

People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone... and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front. If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed the same way we are.

When the head goose gets tired it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point. It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs...with people or with geese flying south.

Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. What do we say when we honk from behind?

Finally...and this is important...when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshots, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies, and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.

If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.

And Finally a true short story for you:

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front (go) to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so.
Click.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

flat tires and yo mama

so this morning I was taking luke to school and dropped him off and proceeded on my way home to make another school round drop off. Well, i proceeded on my way home for 20 feet. I hear a pffftt...K-lunk, K-lunk, K-lunk. I stop, get out of the Jeep and walk around. I ran over a big tie down strap with the metal hook stuck in my tire. Well, I can't go around with this thing slapping my jeep so I decide to pull it out. After working it, psssssssssss....a big hole in the tire.

"Hmmmmm." I wonder to myself. "How long do I have before this is flat? 5 Minutes, 10 Minutes. Hmmmmm."

I decide to get in the Jeep, call Lisa and tell her I have to go fix-a-flat and try to think of the nearest tire place. I get to the tire place with only a few moments to spare (the tire would not have even lasted 5 minutes - it only took me two to get there. Hey with a jeep I can take shortcuts, right?). So I am in the tire store, all the guys are loving my Jeep. They can't believe I am actually driving it on the road (all of my tires are apparently bald - I've never really looked at that before, but with a Jeep having 113K miles and only the 2nd set of tires...it's about time) but they think it's cool nonetheless.

Well, I get pricing on new tires (which I've been looking at anyway, in a dreaming sort of way...now with more focus and attention...hahahah) and me and the guy are talking and joking around (seems he has a jeep too, with big 36" tires, etc. - except his is done right, he spent about $7K on lifting his, not just buying tires and risers) about people who just buy big tires and wonder why they can;t off-road that well. And he confirmed for me that stock jeep tires and set-up is better than 90% of people out there who think big tires can "do it all".

Anyway, we were joking around and I start laughing out loud and from the back, out of nowhere a guy comes out and asks? "Um, is one of you (he said my name)? I know that laugh." I turned around, slightly shocked and said, "It's me."
"Oh my gosh! I knew I heard your laugh, how in the H311, are you?"
Turns out a buddy of mine from back in the day of skateboarding/snowboarding and real yo mama jokes (who rode a lot with us) works there. So, we caught up a lot - 'Wormy' (another guy) got married and apparently bred, which sounds scary...hahahahahaha, friends that are in jail, places that they live, etc. It was fun. But it seriously cracked me up that he heard my laugh and came out and thought of me and I haven't seen him in at least 10-12 years. Too Funny!

Oh well, there's my morning.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

the much anticipated 2fer

i know i've been slack the past few days, but I really have been pretty busy. And today I'm going to share with you some of the things I've been learning and the impact those things will - not could, but will - have on your life. ;)

1 - Generation C(ash) - This is what's happening! Think of revver.com, ebay, fon, metacafe, Vitamin T, etc. If you know about these sites, that is essentially the makings/beginnings of the C(ash). You can read all about it here if you want to learn more. Thanks to www.trendwatching.com.

2 - NTI.org - this is a little group that is very interesting. Yes, I get their mail. Yes, I've gotten their stuff. Yes, I like it. Yes, I'm in. hahahahaha It is very interesting and you should look it up. It's basically a group (think big and powerful group) that has been put together to combat the growing threat of nuclear terrorism and war. Reminds me of back in the day, Red Dawn and all that. Except now, there are other enemies.

OK - there's my 2fer for global happenings...

Now here's my 2fer for personal happenings....hahahahaha ---- the bonus round...

1 - last night we had a board of directors dinner party for a board I'm on and we couldn't find a babysitter, so the kidoodles came along. Luke is the funniest kid I've seen in a while...he decides to start pantomiming all the Christmas music by just mouthing the word "watermelon". Not only that, but he is swaying and making facial expressions all the while. I'm telling ya now...I think we have a replacement for Frank Sinatra...except we just need to get him to actually sing. hahahahahahaha

2 - Our new office is looking pretty sweet. It should all be finished painting tomorrow. It's going to look nice, a really really nice. And...to add to that - we may be having an addition to our office sooner than initially expected. We have an opportunity to work with some people from a MusicTeleVision station and a MIghtyCoolReallyOsomeSOFTware and gaming company to get into game development for a certain OS that is slowly coming out and a neat gaming system by the same company. ;) hehehehe This is really exciting. I will let you know more about it when I officially can. ;) We are having another meeting today about it...wohoo.

oh well...that's about it...hope that makes up for the past few days of slacking... ;)

out

Friday, December 08, 2006

job applications

First, starting a new company that lots of people want to be involved in is an awesome experience. However, when we get resume's etc. and applications that go with them, the people don't always have the right qualifications for the job. See the example below - the name has been changed to protect the innocent...

NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

Needless to say, we hired this person. ;)

jk - I thought it would be funny to say that...

Thursday, December 07, 2006

News to get you going...

Everyone knows I love news...i love to read and i always read things that interest me and/or things that i have an area of expertise in. Well, here a a few news items that have popped up recently, that didn't make a big splash everywhere, but nonetheless, I thought you should be aware of them.

1 - We are not as smart as we think we are. ;) Check this article out about a device that was found in 1901 that is estimated to be VERY old. Turns out, they think it was some type of calculator. Interesting.

2 - Think space exploration is dead? Well, I'm sure you heard about the "water" being found on Mars yesterday so I won't get into that (however that is interesting too), but NASA is planning on going back to the moon and colonizing in about 10-15 years. Hmmmm....I wonder if I could get in on early real estate development there???

3 - Last, but certainly not least, my absolutely favorite article. I knew this could be done, but didn't realize 2 things - a) it would be made public and confirmed and b) that it's use would actually be viable in a court case. Seems the FBI are using cell phones to tape conversations. Let me rephrase that...they are using your cell phones to tape conversations. ;) This is why I would never have a Nextel phone (which I knew all about) - however (being out of certain circles for a little while) I didn't realize the RAZR phones did this too. There may be a new XplodAphone video coming soon for my phone (a RAZR.) hahahahaha ;)

oh well...maybe these articles will put you into therapy for today instead of helping your therapy out.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

From a Magazine Ad for a Translation Company in France

"In order to guarantee the homogeneity and quality of the translated text, we consider that terminologyis the major deal, the obliged passage. We are relying on our basic terminological data of the concerned area and taking into account the specific terminology of the company involved after she has validated it.

Besides, the computer toolls we use allow us to enrich continuously customer's terminology all along the cooperation process between him and us.

Passing the source text through the lemmatiser allows the lexical analysis which creates the list of missing terms. The appropriate vocabulary being available in the system, it makes out a gross translation, technically correct."

HAHAHAHAHAHAH too funny...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

the twofer

1 - My new job ROCKS! I had no idea how fun work could be! I also had no idea how much of a need there is for what we are doing. I mean seriously...I am having lunch today with a friend of mine "DK" who is a producer at a certain Music TeleVision network (hehe) about it. He is stoked about what we are doing and who knows how far this could go...simply awesome!

2 - I got to see a preview of the new cover that the fam is on and it looks really good. Lisa and kids approve as well. It should be out January. When it comes out, I'll get one and post it here. Who knows, you may even get one in the mail...hahahahaha - too cool.

l8r

Monday, December 04, 2006

beginnings and endings...

First - this is a great book. you should read it. It only takes an hour or so to finish.
Second - this is the quote for today.

But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time.
Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet In Heaven, pg. 1 line 3-4

Friday, December 01, 2006

the 3 racehorses

Three racehorses were standing in a stable bragging to each other one day. The first horse boasts "I've been in 59 races and I've won 35 of them." "That's nothing," says the second horse. "I've raced 97 times, and I've won 78 of them!" The third horse joins in: "Well, I've raced 122 times and I've won 102!" Just then, the horses hear a voice say, "I've got you all beat!" The horses look down and sees a greyhound. "I've raced over 200 times, and I have NEVER lost!" The horses look at the dog in amazement. One of them says "How about that! A talking dog!"

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Chad Vader

Lisa and I watched this series last night and it is hilarious!!! In case you've been living under a rock (like us...hahahahaha) Chad Vader is huge. ;) It's all about Darth's little brother and his struggles in his job at the grocery store. 4 episodes...pure hilarity! ;)

enjoi

http://splu.net/chadvader.htm

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Some Fun For You

OK - This is something you didn't know you wanted to know, but by knowing it - you are that much smarter than you were when you didn't...hahhahahahaha

How to Encode and Decode Using the Vigenere Cipher...

The Vigenère cipher is a method of very weak encryption that uses a series of different Caesar ciphers based on the letters of a keyword. In a Caesar Cipher, each letter in the passage is moved a certain number of letters over to be replaced by the corresponding alphabet number, e.g. In a Caesar cipher shift of three, A would become D, B would become E, etc. A Vigènere is similar but more complex.

Steps

Encipher

1. Obtain a Vigènere Square (pictured at the end of this article) or create a Vigènere Square on your own.
2. Think of a key word that is shorter than the phrase or phrases you want to encipher. In this example we will use

LIME

3. Write your phrase down without spaces. For this example, we will use

WIKIHOWISTHEBEST

4. Under your phrase, write the keyword over and over again until you run out of space.

WIKIHOWISTHEBEST


LIMELIMELIMELIME

5. In this example, the word "lime" fits perfectly with the sentence, but when the keyword doesn't fit, you don't have to use the full word. i.e.

WIKIHOWISTHEBESTOFTHEBEST


LIMELIMELIMELIMELIMELIMEL

6. Go to the row of the first letter of the keyword in the Vigènere Square and find the first letter of your phrase. Then, follow that column up to the ciphered letter. In our example that would mean going to row L and finding W and going up to the cipher letter L.
7. Continue on in this fashion until your entire phrase is ciphered. Our example ends up as

LAYEWGKEHLVAQWGP


Decode

1. To decode ciphered text, do the reverse from above.
2. Find the row of the first letter of the ciphered text, and go over until you reach the column of the first letter of the keyword. That letter is the first letter of the enciphered phrase.
3. Continue on in this manner until you completely decipher the text.


Vigènere Square

















Tips

* Another Method of encryption is to find corresponding letter in row and column intersection. In this case "letter W and L is H" and so on. WIKIHOWISTHEBEST becomes HQWMSWIMDBTIMMEX.
* Double check to make sure you encipher and decipher correctly. An erroneously deciphered text can lead to misinterpretation.
* When giving this to someone else, they need to know the keyword to decipher the code, so secretly whisper it to them or use a predetermined Caesar cipher to encipher the keyword as well.
* There are online Vigènere Deciphers you can use to help decipher your code. Do a Google Search to find them.
* If you use a larger Vigènere square which includes both punctuation and spacing the cypher becomes more difficult to break also, especially when the "keyword" or "key phrase" is as long or longer than the message.
* Another method to further obfuscate your message is to Caesar cipher the original message using a predetermined value (Eg: Like ROT13) then run it through a Vigènere cipher, even if decoded without knowing the result was Caesar ciphered before the Vigènere cipher it still appears to be jibberish.
* The more often your "Keyword" or "Key Phrase" repeats the more easily patterns are detected in the encrypted text and the easier it is to break the cipher. A "Key" as long or longer than the length of the message is preferable.


Warnings

* This cipher is not fool-proof (no cipher is) and can be quickly cracked. By current standards, the Vigenere cipher is extremely weak. Do not use this for anything truly top-secret. For stronger encryption research RSA.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

2fer

Ohhhhh - early! how's that for making up? HAHAHAHAHA For all my 2 fans out there... here's my 2fer:

1 - If you want to know what you can get me for Christmas - check this link out. No, Seriously...I want that stuff...hahahahahaha

2 - And without further ado...(and yes, i know it's not as good as the first one...but oh well)





l8r

Monday, November 27, 2006

ok ok ok

I know I've missed a couple of days...sorry.

But to make up for it, I will be posting a new video tomorrow for you all to see of me shooting an LG phone. ahhhh yeah. ;) And Since it will be 2 for tuesday, i will also let you all know what you can get me for Christmas... hahahahaha ;)

"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it."
~Mary Wilson Little

until tomorrow....muhoowahhahahahahahah

Friday, November 24, 2006

Turkey Day +1

OK - I know you ate too much yesterday, like I did. So, in order to help you not feel so bad about eating so much, I researched a lot this morning about calorie burning and what activities would be best to do the day after Thanksgiving - this is assuming that you're not insane and went shopping early this morning which would burn quite a bit of calories (especially if you got into any fights...). Without further ado - here goes:


Proper weight control cannot be attained by dieting alone; however, calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require much (or any) physical exercise. And this is especially true if you are spending the holidays with extended family. ;) hahahahaha - jk...

Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.
Beating around the bush . . . . . . . . .75
Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . . 100
Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . . 150
Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50
Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25
Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . . 250
Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500
Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50
Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . .75
Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350
Pulling your hair out. . . . 250

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Turkey Day

OK - so today I ran a Turkey Trot in 28 minutes. A 5k. Pretty good considering it was a cross-country run. It was a lot of fun. OK - getting ready to eat.

~out

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

waxing...

alright...tomorrow is turkey day - wohoo. I am pretty excited about it. Plus this weekend I'll be filming a new exploding phone. An LG VX4500 that I received that really seems to be garbage...but more on it later. I will put that vid on here for you all to see as well. And the new site looks pretty cool too. It should be making its debut next week. There has been a whole site redesign on it and it is essentially done - just need to do one more thing to it. The URL will be xplodaphone.com, fyi. So, I'll let you know when it's ready and you can check it out. Also, explodaphone.com, explodeaphone.com, xplodeaphone.com, destroyaphone.com, yourcellphonesucks.com and mycellphonesucks.com all work too. And I think there's a couple others but I can't remember them right now.

And remember, send me your cell phones...I will destroy them. (:-=]

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The 2fer

1 - I watched "Munich" last night. Wow. Interesting movie. If you haven't seen it, you should. Very Good.

2 - I'm running a T-Day run Thursday morning. I am pretty pumped about it - I have gotten much better on my times and am even getting ready to do a run before I rest tomorrow for the race. Anyway, wish me luck...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now if I can just remember where I put that cell phone i had...

Monday, November 20, 2006

better late than never...

hahahahaha

so, it's late...sorry. Here's your motivation for today...watch your mouth in public...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,230727,00.html

ok - enough said.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

this week's sonnet

Exploding phones and a new career
Things to look forward to in the coming year
Helping people to relieve their stress
And helping their business grow is what I do best.

The new offices are almost ready
They are really cool and show our creativity
If only our house could be finished as fast
Then I wouldn't have to kick our worker's ... butt..hahahahahahha

~couldn't help it...... ;) I know it's cheesy...

Saturday, November 18, 2006

seriously...

well, today is a slight change of pace. After the whirlwind of the exploding TREO the past couple of days, today I am taking a break from it. Although, I hear the website is almost done and I have other phones to destroy - i will leave that for the other site which i will put on here next week. I think the vidcast may be starting next week too. I'll let you know for sure.

On to other news...

Luke is doing much better after having his tonsils taken out. He's talking, eating normal food, etc. and seems to be doing quite well.

The new company I work for (and own part of) is taking off like crazy. Our offices are almost ready and our official move-in date is Dec 1st. We have a lot going on right now and our customer list is growing...check us out here if you're interested. We also have collaborative efforts going on with others in the industry such as thinkjose, etc. Very cool.

Well, that's all for now...stay tuned and next week when the site is ready I will announce it here and give you the URL. Until then, if you need to Explode A Phone, because Your Phone Sucks, let me know. ;) Send your phone and a short note about why it sucks to:

My Story
PO BOX 3943
Johnson City, TN 37602

~out~

Friday, November 17, 2006

no idea....

OK - I know today is "funny friday", but I had NO idea how popular the TREO destruction video would be. I have spent most of my time responding to emails, etc. about it and I've not had much time for anything else. So, I am taking this opportunity to announce the following:

I will make more videos like this!!!! ;)

If you are sick and tired of your cell phone, I want to hear about it! Email me and send me your phone. I will find creative ways to destroy your phone. I already have about 4 lined up. ;) Starting next week, this concept will become a weekly vidcast with website, etc. It is all registered and almost finished. I know those of you who read this will get a kick out of it and I want to feature you and interview you in the new upcoming videos. So, let me know your story.

OK - when the site is ready I'll let you know - until then, we both know your cell phone sucks. ;)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Destruction of the TREO 700w

Today being therapy day and all, I decided it is time to release some inner frustrations. My TREO 700w is/was a piece of junk and I think all of you reading this know that. In honor of therapy day, I have posted a video for you to enjoy to learn what happened to my old phone. Now, this video is 36MB so it really is only good on broadband (actually, it streams, so you my be able to see it OK on dial-up). I also have a video iPod version as well. If you're interested in it, let me know. This is a good video if I do say so myself. AND I am using revver.com to host this video and I want to experiment a little. After clicking and watching (it opens up a new window), there is an ad at the end of this video. Click on it. You don't have to buy anything, just click. As a matter of fact, you can click on it as much as you wish – and tell you're friends to come click on it too. And they may even enjoy the video as well. ;)

Thumb_default

Also Luke is having his tonsils taken out today...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

An Apple a Day

First, I must start off by stating that Apple computers are awesome. I am finding I can do more stuff everyday on this thing that I couldn't do on a PC. And there is so much software for this thing that is not available for a PC. I always thought the PC had a larger selection of software to get and use for it, and while I guess this may be true, that doesn't mean all the stuff out there for it is good or worthwhile. The Mac on the other hand has worthwhile and useful software and utilities almost everywhere you look. For example, on the mac, I can put my whole "Family Guy" collection on it and on my video iPod, etc. that I couldn't do on a PC - easily anyway. That's just one example and everything to do all this stuff is free and legal. Soooo cool. Also the fact that this Mac automatically syncs all my info with my new phone (a RAZR) wirelessly and keeps the calender, the contacts, my music and my pics all up to date, etc. is great. With my old PC, I had a Mobile 5.0 TREO that hardly ever synced right with my PC and it was all Microsoft stuff. Hopefully you will read more about that tomorrow. ;)

Anyway, I love this thing. It is awesome that my new company uses them and if you are in the market for a new computer - seriously look at Apple first - very intuitive to use and not too expensive either. And they look cool too.

out

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

today's twofor

OK - I have found the neatest site and today's 2 things are from this site. YOu never know what you'll find when you look...

1 - How to Play with a Large Parrot

2 - Regaining Control of a Spooked Camel

OK - now that you have these 2 skills at your disposal, I expect great things from you. ;)

Monday, November 13, 2006

happiness

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

~ J. R. R. Tolkien

Sunday, November 12, 2006

short and sweet

been out of town, no time to think
no time to rhyme, no time to drink
seeing old friends which is always nice
making the short road trip. yes, twice.

coming home, i fell asleep at the wheel
nope, we didn't crash, it was no big deal
i just needed another stanza on here
to make this rhyme seem complete and somewhat clear...

hahahaha

Saturday, November 11, 2006

To serve and protect and goof-off

So yesterday, we decided to head down to babraham’s and hang out for the weekend. On the way down, there were NC highway patrol everywhere. We proceeded with caution and were coming down a hill when on the other side of the 4 lane a trooper pulled over a civic. He got out of the car very fast (which is not a good sign) and ran up to the civic and the driver of the civic got out and they started to wrestle. I told lisa to hold on and u-turned the van and gunned it to go help the trooper – being in law enforcement, etc. in a previous life, I knew I had to help. We pulled up and the civic drove off and the trooper got into his vehicle…which was a little odd. I asked him if he was OK and he said yes he was. He had a stupid grin on his face. Lisa said we thought you were in trouble so we called it in. His goofy grin, got real serious and he was like…ummm, really? Well, I’m ok. Thanks. He was goofing off with a friend. What a dork – only in North Carolina...

Friday, November 10, 2006

Ever Wonder...

- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
-
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
-
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
-
- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
-
- Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
-
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
- made with real lemons?
-
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
-
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
-
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
-
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
-
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
-
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
-
- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
- don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
-
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
-
- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
-
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
-
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

MotoThursday

Well, I am excited!!!! I am finally able to throw my garbage piece of crap Palm TREO 700w phone away! That thing is the biggest piece of junk. I could go on and on about the problems I've had with it for almost a year, but I'm sure you've read about some of them on here too. Anyway, I bit the bullet and got a new RAZR, the multimedia version. At first I thought it would be too big and bulky, but it's pretty neat. I also have a 2GB microSD card for it. So, I can still do video, pictures, mp3s, etc., and transfer them back and forth to my Mac. Which is another thing that I love. The RAZR on my Mac automatically syncs my contacts and calendar, etc. So, I basically get the same features the Treo had (except the keyboard) in a smaller, cooler phone. And people I've talked to on it so far have been - "um, do you have a new phone or something? I can totally hear you now and you don;t sound far away." Yea! And I didn't even tell them I had a new phone. Also, there is no extra buldge in my pants pockets anymore either.

Ahhhhh....nice, a very nice.

And now a quote from The Family Guy (one of my fav shows)
Chris (looking at the Twinkie in his hand): "I'm going to turn you into poo."

Which is exactly what I am going to do to the TREO...muhoowahahahahahahahahha
not that I'm going to eat it mind you...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

post election day

well, yesterday was a bit fun. we all went to vote as a family and cast our ballots. Everyone except one that i voted for won, which is nice. All the main ones won. It was so funny, we kept getting phone calls up until about 7:30 last night telling us to go vote, blah blah blah, all from democrats. It was sooo funny. What a waste of phone calls. A- b/c I'm not a democrat & B- I had already voted. It got me to thinking of how simple minded they think their constituency is that they could persuade a voter within 30 minutes of the polls closing. i think that's why most people I know are not swayed by the democratic thinking. Most of us like to think for ourselves and generally thinking for ourselves equals being well informed, which equals already knowing who you're going to vote for and why. If someone hasn't made up their mind to vote within 30 minutes of the polls closing, then something is definitely wrong and they have not been using their brain. I mean, what else have they been doing for the past 6 or so months. c'mon, seriously....

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

2 for tuesday

1 - yesterday, my boy (who is 7) asked me a question to which I'm not sure of the answer. He said "Dad, if a laser blaster hit you in the penis, would you die?" Wondering how he came up with this and trying not to laugh, I replied, "Well, son...if it didn't, I'm sure you'd want to die." hahahahahaha

2 - It's voting time...and i am not voting strictly along party lines...how about that ;)

Monday, November 06, 2006

money

Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant.

P.T. Barnum

PS - if you don't know anything about PT Barnum, you should look him up. ;)

Friday, November 03, 2006

'face' it, i look funny

Alright, for today...I hope you find some humor in these. I was playing with my macbook yesterday which has a built in camera and some fun software. I must first let you all know I will be out of town tomorrow and Sunday so there will be no posts over the weekend. I am making up for that by giving you some pictures to enjoy. I've also labeled them for you... ;)

The Beginning...

Cyclops...

Evil Comic Genius

Mean Leprechaun

Nice Leprechaun

The Alien

The Superhero

The Heavy

The Rat

The Mole

Thursday, November 02, 2006

i hat eit when things don't work

ok. so in celebration of my new venture, Lisa and I decided to get a Tivo. Supposedly they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. Well, I ordered one online from tivo.com, a cool one - it also has a DVD burner in it so you can burn the shows or movies you save to DVD and watch them whenever. It also has a wireless option and we can watch tv on our computers to. Pretty slick, huh? Well, it's supposed to be. After having this piece of crap for two days it still is not working and will not set up. Apparently you have to have a phone line (I mean who even has those anymore) for the initial programming. The only person I know who has one still is my mom. Si I go over to her house, let it do its thing last night and went over there at 6am this morning to pick it up and get it ready. I get home plug it up - nothing. Still doesn't work. Junk. So I am now back over at mom's house (using my mac which is awesome, batting .500 on the technical things) and just waited for 1.5 hours to download a new update and now it is processing it. Still. I am about ready to throw this thing away and I've not even used it yet.

On another matter, I think we have found the perfect office space for this new startup. It is way sweet. Curved walls, walls at an angle, lots of color...right up our alley. I even would have had a sale yesterday but was worried more about finding the right space. The guy said to definitely call him when we were ready because he already was. hahahahahaha This thing is going to be big. I've talked to a couple of people who are interested in coming to work for us already after just hearing rumors of what we're doing. After I explained it to them, they were like...yeah, i want in. hahahahaha I told them we may hire them, we may not. We don't know yet. I do have a new work email and I will send that out to people as soon as the website is redone and finished. I will send that link out as well.

So all is good right now...except for this stupid Tivo. But it looks like it's getting ready to reboot, so maybe that's a good thing. If not, you'll be able to find one in my dumpster - all yours.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

apples to apples

Alright - it is late but I had to post. I've been without a PC for the last couple of days. Until now. My new company is an Apple house. Yes, MACs. I got my new one today. Pretty cool. If I knew that this thing was this cool, I would have ordered one personally when they came out. I really don't know how PCs are staying around. When more people see these things...they will have to buy them...soooo cool. OK - that's really all I have right now. Except I think our new office space is going to rock...unbelievable...

~l8r

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

today's 2fer

1 - In celebration of my new career direction, I went running this morning and got my best time on my 5K with "the hill" at my house. 25:00.61 - ahh yeah - that's pretty good for me here. i can't wait until the race on turkey day in NC where it's all flat. I hope I can shave over a minute off my time at least.

2 - I am having the hardest time ever in deciding what kind of phone to get. i was talking to Steffany today (who is my verizon rep) and she made the statement, "I think you've tried or had every phone we carry." I said, "you know, I think you're right." there are maybe a couple I haven't, like the Q and KRAZR. I know I don't want the KRAZR (too many fingerprints) and the jury is still out on the Q. I'm afraid it will be like my TREO 700w - cool gadget, but aweful phone.

Oh well, any thoughts, please let me know. ;)

Monday, October 30, 2006

good thoughts

Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. That's what I have to say. The second is only a part of the first.
~Anna Quindlen, A Short Guide to a Happy Life, 2000(1953 - )

Seeing how today is the last day of my current job, I found this quote very fitting. And it is true. Since starting out in the biz world being self-employed, it is a natural tendency for me to feel that life and work are the same. Of course, with the job I am finishing, I have come to realize that it's not. People want to know me for me, not because of work. Which is cool. It has been hard over the past few months declining job offers from various places because I felt that it would be hard to separate life and my then current work. I now feel totally relieved about my journey into my new venture/position (which a month or so ago, I didn't).

I'm sure I will go into more detail in the days/weeks to come, but felt I had to share this. ;)

Sunday, October 29, 2006

winter

Yellow green red and brown
Winter’s coming, sure enough
Pretty soon we’ll be seeing the white stuff
The leaves are changing all over town

Seasons come and seasons go
Soon people will play in snow and ice
Coming into a warm house will be very nice
The seasons behind us we should let go

The future brings us something new
Like springtime flowers among the dew

hahahahaha - can you believe it? i actually followed the true "sonnet" rules...hahahaha

Saturday, October 28, 2006

seriously...

Monday is my last day at my current job :) i will fill you all in later as to what I'm doing next...tre cool ;) sometimes things are laid in your lap that you have to pursue.

Friday, October 27, 2006

101(2) ways to annoy people

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for yourremote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector stripsinto peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing." 88. Sing along at the opera.
. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
102. Copy this and send it to as many people as you can (hahahaha - i added that one ~ t ) ;)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Vegas Pix

OK - long overdue but here they are...

First, my room...and yes, flatscreens and an LCD in the mirror in the bathroom (way cool).



City Shots...



I sorta stopped taking pics after i realized i didn't have a card. sorry.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

the smoke is not a problem...repeat, not a problem

oh the joys of hearing that come over the loudspeaker while sitting in the plane as it starts up.

let me back up...

first in LV yesterday, I met up with Jeremy, a buddy of mine from here (actually a really good friend). he happened to be out there for another conference and we had dinner and hung out and lost some money on the slot machines...hahahahaha too fun! I get to the airport afterwards and my flight was out ay 1045p. so we board and I sleep. Prett boring. i get to the ATL this morning at 5a and have to wait until 9a for my flight home. Which I do...I wait patiently. not too many people to watch either. I think that was the first time I have been there and I was pretty much the only person there except for some maint people. Oh well, time to board for the flight. I get on, sit down with everyone else and tey start the engines to go. The left engine busts out in a big cloud of gray/black smoke. The engines keep running. The smoke keeps appearing. The captain comes over the loud speaker and says, "You may be noticing the smoke coming out of the left engine. Well, this is perfectly normal. It's kind of like having a bad plug in your car, and you let it rn for a sec and it's ok." What? First, i thought a bad plug would prevent you from really starting your car and second I fly all the time - literally and I have NEVER seen this. Needless to say, I just put my iPod in my ears and closed my eyes and went to sleep. I figured if we're going to crash once we take off, I might as well go ahead and go to sleep. hahahaha well, you guessed it, we didn't crash. ;) anyway, very interesting. So, now I can add to my list of flight occurances (which include getting struck by lightning while in the air) the smoking engine phenomenon.

My motto will continue to be - any landing you can walk away from is a good one. hahahaha

Oh yeah, i should be able to put up pics tomorrow. yeah!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

2fer + rant

1 - I Have a new favorite drink. ;) Also I'm pretty sure I bumped into Erika (i think is her name) from the bigbrother show yesterday in my hallway. I didn't ask, but she sure did look and sound like her.
2 - I was at the best dance club last night i have ever been to. The music was awesome - didn't even leave until 2a - had no idea what time it was - when we realized what time it was we all were baffled - it went by sooo fast.

rant - i am at a freakin technology conference and NOBODY has a memory card for my phone - unbelievable!

Monday, October 23, 2006

making friends...

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
~Dale Carnegie

I agree this is true. I have made many friends this way and spent this evening with some of them. We have had a blast in LV. Hanging out at the MGM (where I got upgraded to the West Wing - tre cool) and the Wynn, which is so cool it has a Ferrari store. ;) Oh well...Tomorrow should be just as fun!!!

~l8r

Sunday, October 22, 2006

catchup and vegas

Yep – so I know I need to make up for missing yesterday so here goes.

First, I have lost my memory card out of my phone and I am so ticked. I am typing this on the airplane while listening to my ipod and I wanted to get pics and stuff ready and now I can’t. Oh this ticks me off beyond belief. No pics of my trip until I get back, or unless I can get one while I’m here. Which I probably can. Anyway, yesterday…

First we got up in the morning and went to a pancake breakfast with my mom (which was funny because I learned the “pancake” dance the other day when I was teaching the crunk). We ate and then got on the road and went to NC to drop the kiddos off at the other mom’s and by 10:30/11ish we were off to see this thing called a football game. Well, it was great, we got there and got our “usual” spot, which is a good spot, btw, and got some food and some “Beat BAMA” buttons, which I did wear (seeing as how the tide is my #2 team). It was an exciting game, for sure! And we had awesome seats! And they were cheap…way cool. The only problem I had was this super obnoxious guy who sat right beside me second guessing every call made and wanting to take over the team. He was about my age, and I am guessing that he’d never even played football in his whole life. He didn’t even know the plays he was talking about or the calls the officials were making etc., saying, they’re giving the wrong signals for such and such – the whole game. Now I know there was bad officiating (at least according to all the people around us), but every play throughout the whole game? Doubt it. We left at the end of the game and drove back to NC to pick up the kids and then got home late and went to bed. Which was nice, yesterday was a long day (which explains the non-post). I got up this morning, and had to get ready (and pack…hahahah) for my trip. I will be back sometime weds., so another whirlwind…should be fun. I was even planning on taking a new cell phone t try out while I was away (a new Mobile 5.0 phone) but I forgot it and am still using my treo (which sucks still…don’t buy one – at least not the windows one – I don’t know about the palm version, but then again, I don’t know why anyone would still be using one of those anymore since they’re a bit outdated. Oh, yeah, I do actually. They work and the phone part probably works well….hahahaha enough of my tirade).

So, if I get a new mem card soon, I will put up pics of the game…I also have a cool video too I’ll try to post. The whole crowd is chanting “you suck, BAMA” instead of like “let’s go, BAMA”, which was funny and when we scored the TD the place erupted…like a little MT ST Helens. Hahahahha

And now, drum roll please……….

It’s actually Sunday so it’s time for a little rhyme:

Sitting in the plane, earphones on
Listening to the surf punks “Party bomb”

A nice collection of fast, witty tunes
Enjoying a remake of “beat on the brat”
About another hour, should be landing soon
I’ll be in Vegas, viva itself
Fun in the desert, hope I don’t melt

Maybe I’ll come away with more cool swag
If not at least something to wipe my head, maybe a do-’rag.

I’m writing another book, did I tell you all that
About an average American and his big cowboy hat.

OK – song change to the offspring, gotta go
These guys rock, you need to see them at a show

HAHAHAHAHAH

out

Friday, October 20, 2006

funny (lookin) stuff

OK – yesterday I had to teach a bunch of high schoolers about leadership and part of that was myself being suckered in to teaching them how to crunk. You don’t know what crunking is? Well, it’s a style of dance (that I don’t know how to do) where you shake really fast and it is reminiscent of a seizure…hahahahaha Well, I had to get up in front of these kids and show them that it’s ok to try something new and step out of your comfort zone. Well, there were pictures taken, but I haven’t seen them yet. When I get them, I’ll share. I think the only thing the kids learned while watching me attempt the crunk was that I am a dork…hahahahahahaha – we’ll see in the evaluations. ;)

Another funny thing is that I helped out electrician install some of our stuff at our house today...again, no pics…and again – I really didn’t know what I was doing…hahahahahahaha.

Tomorrow is the UT Bama game and I’m pumped…my 2 fav teams playing each other and we’re going…sweet.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

ummm...

I just know I'll get grief if I miss a day....


so there. ;)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I need to tell you this too

Last night i was suprised with my first ever spa treatment massage. Holy cow! (and I'm not talking about India here) - It was AWESOME!!! And what's even better is the girl that did said I need to some back regularly b/c it would be very beneficial. So I think I will. Now, lisa was there too and like it also. i think this will become a regular occurance...who knew there was such a high end spa here? go figure - I thought the closest was the one at Grove Park. Oh well...saves some drive time.

India...

OK, so today I am actually in Virginia attending a conference about doing business with India. Why am I here? No Clue. Heheh - Other than to learn about international trade. This is actually part of their international Business Program at this college. Hopefully I will learn something. Wait I remember why I’m here. Free breakfast & lunch…yeah that’s why I agreed to come. Hahahaha What’s funny is that most of the companies here presenting are from Tennessee. Eastman, a company in Knoxville, and a couple from the Tri-Cities. So why is this in VA? Again, no clue. But I am about to learn all about India. The only thing I know so far is that they can’t drive. Here are a few facts on India:

Supposedly 5000 years old, 325 languages spoken, 29 states, 576B GDP, world’s largest democracy and 4th largest economy, largest English speaking nation in the world.

Just a couple of FYI’s for you. Hinduism, then Buddhism, then Christianity, then Muslim – is the order of religions that came into India. Used to be a British empire, too. Oh well, for more info feel free to look it up sometime. Pretty interesting. They also had the world’s first university. They developed navigation, supposedly invented medicine and surgery (like C-sections, artificial limbs, anesthesia, etc.).

Yoga – another thing from there, developed in sanskrit. But Yoga, misunderstood today. Also Martial Arts started in India. Kung Fu, began from an Indian monk. I didn’t even know that, and I studied a style of KungFu for a long time (Shao Lin Quan) – who knew?

OK – I’m getting tired of typing while they are talking…if anything else comes up interesting I’ll add it. ;)

“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” – Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)

Maybe we'll go visit one day...

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

the two4

1 - Starbuck's Marble Mocha Macchiato is the best coffee drink they have! I have one almost every morning.

2 - ok - can only think of one thing today...except I'm doing something tonight...not sure what it's going to be...

Monday, October 16, 2006

gambolling

Here's a whole new meaning for you if someone asks you if you "gambol" or not. I think it's funny considering next Monday I'll be in Vegas. ;)

gambol
(intransitive verb, noun)[GAM-bahl]
intransitive verb
1. to run and skip about playfully; frolic: "There are few sights that fill me with more silly joy sitting by the field, watching our lambs gambol."
noun
2. an instance of running or skipping about playfully; playful leaping

gambolling

Here's a whole new meaning for you if someone asks you if you "gambol" or not. I think it's funny considering next Monday I'll be in Vegas. ;)

gambol
(intransitive verb, noun)[GAM-bahl]
intransitive verb
1. to run and skip about playfully; frolic: "There are few sights that fill me with more silly joy sitting by the field, watching our lambs gambol."
noun
2. an instance of running or skipping about playfully; playful leaping

Sunday, October 15, 2006

carvin'

Today is pumpkin carving day
Lots of fun, a time to play
Orange goo all over our hands
Time to throw away 4 pairs of pants

Keeping the seeds and throw them in rows
In hopes of next year seeing some pumpkins grow
If they do, we’ll give you a hollar’
Cause we’ll be sitting beside the road selling them for 5 dollars

hehehe

Saturday, October 14, 2006

busy morning

alright, today we went to a soccer game (and quickly left because it is aweful...I'll explain in a sec), then went to get pricing on cabinets and countertops (but would up buying our wood flooring...I'll explain in a sec), found out we're going to the UT Alabama game next week and had a HUGE lunch. ;)

1 - Soccer - Why do people who know nothing about Soccer or coaching, coach soccer? I don't know either. We went to Lib's soccer game this morning which is a 3-4-5 league (which I used to coach in for 3 years in a row) and there is a herd of 3-4-5 year olds running all over a field, a small field. And by herd I mean about 20 kids on it at once (10 for each team)! OK, when I played soccer there were 11 on a team and the field was bigger than a football field. The field they are playing on is an 8th of a normal field. So there are 8 fields they could be playing on, yes the others were empty. When I coached, we divied up the players to where there were 3, 4 max, on a side on a little field against 3 or 4 on the other side. Everyone got to play, and they were broken up into skill level which made it fun for everyone. The guy coaching now has absolutely no idea what he's doing. Oh, you ask..."why are you complaining. Go coach them yourself." Well, I probably will next year. Although it is hard for me being gone all the time to be here to coach. So, if my travel is slowed next year, i will coach. That being said, we got there this morning and it was the "herd" playing, so we left. Ridiculous.

2 - We then decided to go get pricing on countertops. Well, we already have a quote for some granite for the whole house (kitchen, bathrooms, etc.) which is a great deal. We're getting it direct from China and avoiding the usual markup. ;) We just wanted to know how good of a deal we're getting. Well, it is awesome. We are getting real granite for right at the same price as formica. Insane. So we stopped that and decided to price cabinets. Well, we got a quote whic hwas nice and happened to notice the hardwood and laminate flooring. After looking around, we saw some closeout laminate in the corner and went to go look at it. Oh my. It was $3.69 a sqft and was marked down to $1.99 a sqft and it was NICE! 30yr wty, grooved grain, wide long planks...wow - all we could say. Well, We went ahead and bought enough for the whole 1st floor and got it for $1.69 a sqft (I know the people well at the store and they gave us a better deal). That included padding, etc. Amazing. The only reason it was discounted was because they didn't carry that manufaturer in store anymore. Wow. Insane. If they would have to order it again it would be at the $3.69 price...they just wanted to get rid of what they had, so I went ahead and got it while I could.

3 - Football - Lisa was asked today (by people we don't know) at work if we wanted tickets to the UT Alabama game on saturday. She called me, "Uh, duh? Yes, we want them." So, we are going next week. Now, i just have to decide what to wear. Crimson or Orange? hmmmmm...hahaha - I'll wear orange. i just hope it's a good game. ;)

4 - Lunch - It was a nice hearty Bojangle's lunch today. ummm, ummm, good. That's all I got to say about that.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Waffle house

Well, my boy's dream was to eat breakfast at a Waffle House. So today his dream came true. Since he was out of school we got up and went to chow down while the girls stayed at home. He was so excited he got the All-Start Breakfast which is pretty much everything; a waffle, 2 eggs, 4 pieces of toast, 2 pieces of sausage, grits, milk and jelly. Guess what? Yep. He ate almost every bit of it. Insane. Yes he is 7. I ordered the same thing and only got through about half. I think he literally ate his weight in food. HAHAHAHAHHA

enjoy...

Thursday, October 12, 2006

NYC 2

OK – first off, for all concerned…yes I am OK.

It was a sad day in NYC today. I was in the hotel on 43rd, while the crash was up in the 70’s about 30 blocks away. Cory Lidle who was a pitcher for the Yankees was in the plane that crashed into the condos. I really appreciate all the call and texts. Nice to know you all read my blog…hahaha – ok or work with me. ;)

So, not much else happened today…I met up woth some good friends of mine who live here, Steve and John – I see them at every conf I go to. They’re both older but a lot of fun. And I will be seeing them again in LV in a couple of weeks. The coolest thing though is that I won an Apple iPod (yes another one – that’s 4 or 5 now…I can’t remember) that’s a 30GB video model. Way Cool. Just in time for the airplane ride home…hahahahaha. Which is good because I left one of my nano’s at home. Oh well. Not too much going on today except for the plane crash. I am on my way home…hopefully the airport won’t be too delayed. Who knows, maybe I’ll get a funny story in the airport for tomorrow. heh

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

NYC 1

Alright…well the weirdest/neatest things happen to me on these trips. So, yesterday, I’m at the airport checking in and who comes up in line behind me? My friend Daniel…we get to talking and we’re both going to NYC. He works for Viacom/MTV and sold his company to them. He’s here for a big video game promotion tomorrow and I’m here for my dinner. Know what’s even weirder…we’re staying at the same hotel. You may remember him from a previous post. We both live in the same small town, but only happen to run into each other in places like LA and NYC. Too Weird.

So, we get to NYC and his car is waiting for him and he’s like…c’mon you can ride with me – which is cool. We decide to go to the Rangers game (which was a great experience…Madison Square Garden) and had a blast! Well, the commissioner of the NHL was there (pic with Daniel) and so were some of the NY Mets sitting 2 rows over from us. Tom Glavine (above pic), Paul Lo Duca, and two other guys (can’t remember their names…oh well – I’m a Yankees fan, remember…) – anyway, everyone was trying to get autographs and pics etc. It was crazy! Needless to say the Rangers lost 4-2 to the Flyers. Oh well…early in the season…I wonder what will happen today?

I will let you know. ;)

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

today's 2fer

1 - I am going to NYC today, leaving on a jet plane...yes I'll try to get some pics for you.

2 - Yes, I am going because I was invited because of some of my avhievements...awards, etc. hahahahahaha - OK - seriously I'll stop ... ;p hahahahahaha

Monday, October 09, 2006

some faves...

Well, most of you know I am a fan of Mark Twain, so to celebrate Columbus Day, I am giving you a few of my favortie comments from him. Enjoy.

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. "

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. "

"Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable. "

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. "

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. "

Oh, yeah...I have no idea what connection there is between Mark Twain and Columbus Day either. hahahahaha

Sunday, October 08, 2006

the bench
















Along the path strangers pass
A lone wooden bench, waiting, in the grass
In hopes someone will stop and rest
To take a break from their woodsy quest

Surrounded by trees and woods all around
Patiently listening, not hearing a sound
Of someone who is tired, who wants to sit down

So the bench continues to wait
In hopes of one day having a mate


~TDS

Saturday, October 07, 2006

your home is your castle

well, work on the house is moving along, albeit a bit slowly, but hey, it'll get done one day. I decided to put up some pics and a link to a tour of the house for you to download if you're interested. It's a bit dark, sorry.

What's funny is that one of our neighborhood kids came over yesterday and saw what was going on in the yard and said, "Oh Cool!!! You're going to have a moat around your house!" He was referring to the 5x8 ditch being dug around the house (it doesn't look that big inthe pics, but it is). Our moat. ;) Funny - it's the water/sewer, etc. stuff. But looking at it, it could be a moat. I can barely jump across it, but I did. ;)

Anyway, enjoy the updated pics and vid. BTW the vid is 6MB.

Friday, October 06, 2006

amusing...

Well, yesterday was a unique experience. We were chosen to be the cover shot of a magazine coming out next month and also in some ads in some other mags like Southern home living, etc. The guy taking the pics was pretty funny and was actually the "official" state photographer (he works for the Dept of tourism). So I asked him if that was like being the state bird. Everyone thought that was pretty funny. And then I asked them why they chose us...I mean we're not professional models or anything (wow - and yes it really is hard work to keep looking good while you're sweating...hahahaha). He replied, "Well it was either you guys or another model who was available, and I didn't feel like he would make a good cover shot."
"Really?", I asked. "Why not?"
"Let's just say he was a little over the top...". and then he proceeded to show me the picture of the guy.


OK - enough said...

Thursday, October 05, 2006

feel good about yourself...at least you're not in this video

For Therapeutic Thursday (and yes, I know it’s spelled wrong above in the box), if you’re felling bad…just watch this video and you won’t feel bad anymore. Gosh, were things really this cheesy in the 80’s?

A Wendy's employee video on how to make those burgers of ultimate ectasy. Truly weird and funny.


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

"I can't drive 55..."

yes, i know you can hear Sammy Hagar's voice in your head - screaming out the song...Well, I can relate to it...however, this is not going to be ablut me. It's Weds, so it's time to go off.

It all begins yesterday evening...
Last night, Lisa & I were on our way to a fundraiser at the racetrack and are heading toward the interstate when, from out of nowhere, this ford crown vic careens out from the side of the road across 2 lanes of traffic like a bat out of hell right in front of us. Lisa goes "Is that a cop?" I say "No, it's not."
"Well, are you sure? It looks like an unmarked cop car."
"No, it's not. I did that for about 6 years...definately not a cop, nor a cop car."
During this conversation, the car proceeds to slow down...to like 30mph, on a 45mph road. There is nowhere he would be turning off. So, knowing it's not a police car, I get on his bumper. ;) To help push him along...

Understand, we don't want to be late to this thing we are going to. We're dressed up, it's a political fundraiser for a friend of mine, we paid to go and I wanted to be there.

The guy looks up in his rearview mirror at me and sees me really close. "Aha", I say, "He sees me and will speed up." - Nope. He SLOWS DOWN EVEN MORE. Now we are at 20mph. I get a good look at him. It is an old man. Obviously senile and too old to drive. But he was playing the game. If he was in a Buick, I would have overlooked the whole incident (you know my love for Buicks), but he wasn't even smart enough to get a Buick. He was driving a Ford...anyway, after what seems to be forever (literally, 10 minutes on what should be a 2 minute drive), we pull up to the interstate, to a 2 lane on ramp. I get beside him, look at him and rev my engine...he does the same. The light turns green and I floor it. HE DOES TOO! I tell Lisa, look at this old guy.

So, I've had lots of Aggressive and Defensive driving courses, etc. because of my previous life in law, so I take full advantage...I cut him off. Properly, mind you. I win. He understands he met his match and backs off. Or more likely, his sobriety was kicking in. So we get to our fundraiser on time and all is well.

Or so we think...

After the fundraiser, we are one our way home, stop and get some gas and get back on the road. What happens? Yes, I get behind another "boat", a Caprice, with an old guy driving (not on the interstate). At least it's not the same guy. I don't think the minivan could handle drag racing twice in one night...I gotta get a vette. Anyway, this guys turns on his blinker and I say "Whew, at least he's driving properly and getting off the road." We are approaching a right turn lane and I figure he's going to get in it. He doesn't. I tell Lisa, "What is wrong with all these people driving? I mean, I feel like I'm in Florida or something." Tuna joke...Maybe I'll explain that later...This guy drives all the way beside the right lane and turns sharply right, off the road. "Did he not see the turn lane? What an idiot!" Keep in mind, I'm not mad...just concerned these people will kill someone attempting to drive.

These guys have given me a mission. When my friend is elected, I am going to ask him to sponsor a bill that requires mandatory driver's testing after the age of 65. A national law. I know some states do similar things already...but ours is not one of them. It is a national concern anyway.

OK - I'm done. Yes, I do feel a little better. I could have even posted this for tomorrow too. Oh well.