i just think these are funny...

some of my favorite funny quotes. Just thought I'd share.


I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
-- Demetri Martin

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
-- WC Fields

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
-- Winston Churchill (replying to Lady Astor's comment 'Sir, you're drunk!')

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

My experience has taught me that a man who has no vices has damned few virtues.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!
-- Steve Martin

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
-- Yogi Berra

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
-- Henry Youngman

I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.
-- George W. Bush

People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal, and his great hair. I say to them, 'How do you think I got the job?
-- Dick Cheney

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
-- Douglas Adams

I can resist everything except temptation.
-- Oscar Wilde