FedEx. When it positively, absolutely has to get there NEVER!

I am so ticked at FedEx right now. THEY SUCK. We were supposed to get a package today for the office that was a pretty big deal and as of 5:05p EDT we still don't have it. Well, track it, you say. Heh, we did. And guess what? It was supposed to be here at noon. Driver put, could not locate address. Talk about an idiot. We are only the biggest building in the whole freakin' area we are in. I mean, did they not even come here to see? It's not like they couldn't find us...if they just pulled their head out of their a$$. Oh and yeah, they've delivered stuff here before. Oh and yeah, we even have a corp account with them. Idiots. And I called in to complain and find out where our shipment was...I got a call back saying the driver looked for us and couldn't find us... the conversation went a bit like this (only slightly exaggerated)...

"Hello, Thank you for calling FedEx. My name is Stupid, how can I help you?"

"Um, yeah, hi. I was wondering about a shipment we were supposed to get today. I tracked it online and it was supposed to be here but shows it wasn't delivered due to 'sheer stupidity'. I was wondering what that was all about."

"Oh. Yes, sir, I'm sorry sir... 'sheer stupidity' refers to the fact that we hire incompetent people who can't tell their right from their left. Or their head from their a$$ for that matter. Would you like me to help you solve the problem?"

"Hmmm. ok. I hadn't seen that reason on the site before, that must be a new one...I mean we do ship and receive 100's of boxes a month with you guys. But, yes, I'd love for you to help me."

"OK sir. One moment please. [click, click, click] Ahhh, yes. I see the problem here sir. It seems the driver says your building doesn't exist. Ummm, yes...let's see...driver's comments are 'simply vanished out of thin air while I was smoking crack on my mandated 15 minute crack break.' Sir, it seems that your building doesn't exist anymore. Is that right?"

"No, I'm sorry, but that's not correct. As a matter of fact, I am sitting in my office on the phone with you right now. And there wasn't a problem in getting a package out Friday that we sent. Picked right up, just fine."

"OK sir. I see this is a slight problem. And you're sure your building hasn't vanished into thin air? Am I right in that assessment?"

"Yes you are."

"OK then, let me attempt to call the driver and see what they have to say about this."

"Ummmm. OK? Are you going to call me back?"

"Yes sir. I will call you back once I speak to the driver and inform them that your building has not vanished into thin air...or rather that it has reappeared."

"OK."

[click]

20 minutes later...

ring

"Hello?"

"Yes. Hi, this is Stupid from FedEx. I just spoke to the driver about your delivery and they insist that your building doesn't exist anymore."

"Whiskey Foxtrot Tango! What are you talking about?"

"Well, sir, it seems you are calling from an imaginary location that only exists in your (and and all your employee's) imagination."

"HUH?!?!"

"Yes, sir, I know that can come as quite a shock to you as you may live in a bubble, but our world doesn't acknowledge your existence anymore."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No sir. I wish I were. This happens quite frequently since our 15 minute mandated crack breaks were instituted. However, we can work miracles here at FedEx, just as sure as my name is Stupid!"

"????"

"Yes, sir. I can make your building reappear in the mind of our driver so that they can 'enter' your world and bring you a box. How does that sound? Aren't I wonderful?"

"Ummmm...yeah...sure...whatever..."

"OK. We're so glad you chose to use FedEx. We know you could pick from any other carrier out there who is superior and we are humbled by your choice. Your package will either be delivered by 7pm tonight or first thing in the morning. Is that alright?"

"Well, no, quite frankly it's not. It's cost me a lot of money waiting for this thing today to get to a client. I need it by 7pm."

"Alright sir. I'm glad I could help..."

"Ummm...you're not helping. You're just..."

"Yes, sir. Since I've helped you, would you like to take a customer satisfaction survey to tell my bosses how freakin' awesome I am?"

"No. Because you're not. I just want my box."

"Yes, sir...I know. I know. You'll get it soon. If it turns out that you won't we will call you back and let you know. Thank you for using FedEx. Goodbye."

"Wait..."

Yep, convo over. Anyway, I urge you to start using DHL or UPS from now on. ;)