Nashville, TN

I returned from Nashville yesterday and boy do I have some stories! I’ll try to let all of you in on what I found interesting and hilarious. First I want to be sure and mention Nick and Nicole, two of the people (among 30 or so) I just spent two days with in Tennessee’s grand capital. So here’s my shout out to them – “What’s up, my Nicca’s?” heh

Being in Nashville, my sole purpose of the trip was to learn more about how the state of TN’s legislature runs, meet and greet, and attempt to be comedic relief to otherwise dull moments. I had brief encounters of all 3 kinds. Enjoy.

1- How the State Legislature runs. This was the most basic/boring part. 99 members of the House, 33 of the Senate, 33 districts (aha), something about bills and laws, elected by the people and 5 golden rings, elections every 4 years, 3 different branches, 2 (or more) crooks (West TN of course) and Governor in the nicest office in the building, which happens to be one of the rooms without human remains.

2 – Meet and Greet. Head of the TN Lottery, House Speaker, Senate Speaker, various reps, Education, Finance & tourism heads and a lobbyist. Here are some of the most interesting facts I heard. A Black Democrat from a 98% white, 65% Republican district, was voted into office because Tennesseans are so loving and open-minded. The guy from the Dept of Education couldn’t do math. No wonder really, when you look at the budget and TN has a $26B or so budget but only $12B or so are real dollars. Yes it was interesting to hear that one explained. The speaker of the house didn’t realize there were grocery stores in East Tennessee – no he was not kidding. Didn’t seem to be the brightest bulb in the box. The Lottery expert had no idea how the lottery money was funneled into a scholarship fund for kids to go to college. “Pomp & Circumstance” was a phrase that repeatedly came to mind… There are no term limits (although there probably should be). Anyone can run for office – This gives me hope...hahahah. I could type more, but I really don’t want to bloviate, because there was enough of that Weds & Thurs. Plus I don’t want to starting opining here, even though I did just a wee bit.

3 – Comedic relief. For those of you who skipped straight to #3 without reading #1 or #2, I commend you. You didn’t miss anything. Nor did you forget my shout out to my “nicca’s” as the ones who read #1 and #2 (or fell asleep reading #1 or #2) did. If you read from the beginning and are still with me – wow! Unprecedented stamina! Well, except for me, I guess, since I’m typing. Anyway…on to the funny/ironic stuff (not necessarily in that order).

There is a large bust of Nathan Bedford Forrest in the Capital building. He was a millionaire, started as a private, bought his own horses, etc and was promoted to colonel (I think it was), was a supposed brilliant military strategist, etc. Oh yeah, he founded the KKK too. I wouldn't have thought he'd have been honored in the state capital. Maybe I'm missing something...

The architect of the building requested to be entombed in the capital and was so obliged. I found this funny but really lost it when they said that he wasn’t the only one entombed there. Here are pics of 2 of the people buried in the walls.

At last, now to some funnier stuff. I went out with some of the people in our group that night (mostly because they are all pretty fun, but really because that’s when the funny memorable stuff happens). We went to a little place called tootsie’s. A small, downtown bar, standing room only, a suck band (still not sure why they let that guy sing), smoky, etc. Now, to completely understand this story, I must give additional info here for a moment. There are roughly 30 of my peers with me on this trip (around the same age, etc) and a group of 4 people who came with us as an “experiment” who were senior citizens. Retired corporate folk. Well, these 4 missed the bus after dinner back to the hotel and went walking with us, to the bar. Well, my nicca’s and I were in the bar and talking, laughing, etc when Nicole looked around and notice all the old people bent over in the floor, scouring for their lost gold. She asked me, “Wonder what they are looking for?” I, in my infinite wisdom, replied, “They probably lost their dentures.” This brought out a chuckle to everyone around and then the lady senior citizen (the other three were males) came over to us looking on the floor. Nicole asked her what she was looking for. “My tooth, I lost my tooth.” Yes, I laughed hard. Yes, out loud. We all started laughing heartily. I had been correct in my assumption – I was even surprised. After a little bit of laughing we let the older lady in on what was so funny and she thought it was hilarious. About 5 minutes later, she came up to me and stated she had found it, and smiled really big (her front tooth was what fell out). I, in my unabashed curiosity, probed “You actually put that back in your mouth?” To which she replied “I rinsed it off.” At this point I could not stop laughing. What’s funnier is that the tooth fell out again and she put it in a second time without washing it off. Then she decided to see if anyone working there had any glue. Yes, she decided to glue the tooth in her mouth.

All that was available was nail glue. Myself and Michael (one of my peers) advised against it (A – we still had very clear thoughts; B- There was a big “X” on it stating it was permanent; C – the glue was for nails, not teeth). Luckily she listened, but occasionally I spied her talking with her thumb in her mouth holding her tooth in place.

As if that wasn’t enough, one of the women in our group (I’ll call “D”) was talking with a Scotsman who happened to be visiting our lovely country. For some reason, Nicole had brought to mine and Nick’s attention that the guy had XYZ problems. Yes, the zipper was down, repeat, the zipper was down. While we were standing at a distance watching the conversation, we started laughing. Well, those around us wondered what we were laughing at, so we told them. Finally, Nicole whispered to “D” about the XYZ, and stepped back. Yes. “D” did the look down, blush/laugh, and told the guy, who then smiled and proceeded to fix his zipper. The conversation between them didn’t last too long after that. Of course I chimed in with the whole “Their not used to wearing pants over there, remember…they wear skirts” thing.

Then we went to a karaoke bar, where our group really…I’ll stop there – WE WERE IN NASHVILLE for crying out loud. We forgot about the part where people who live there can really sing!

Then I went to bed. Anti-climatic. I know.

"Word to your mother, paragraph to the fam."