the headhunter...

So, I know you are all wondering about the headhunter. “What’s the deal?” you may be asking yourself. Well, I’ll tell you...

It all started a long time ago in a small remote village called Itswilla-sha in the amazon with a boy name Mombatsu. Mombatsu was born into a “normal” Itswilla-sha’n family. The word normal is used loosely simply because what we define to be normal and what Mombatsu’s village defined as normal are two different things. “Normal” for Mombatsu meant that he had 10 older brothers and sisters, one father and 5 mothers. Being the youngest of eleven was hard for Mombatsu. He was always the one picked on by his older siblings. They would tease him by saying things like “You’re scared of baby spiders”, “You can’t hunt or live without us because you’re a baby”, “You smell of rhino dung”, and “Daddy likes my mommy better”, and so on. One day the teasing got to be too much for Mombatsu and he went into the jungle by himself to prove to his family that he could survive on his own. He didn’t need them. He was, after all, Mombatsu the Itswilla-sha’n.

In the jungle, Mombatsu was able to think. He thought of all the things he was now able to do on his own while away from his family. He dreamed of being able to catch big fish and eat them raw, of hunting wild game with weapons he made and roasting the game over a fire. He dreamed of swimming in the rivers all day and jumping of the rock cliffs into the pools of water below. He started living his dreams. A day turned into a week and a week turned into a month. Mombatsu was surviving and doing the things he wanted to do. He was having the time of his life. Little did Mombatsu know, but he was being watched. You see, in the amazon are many, many small remote villages. And these villages are always at war with each other. Most of the villages have sworn enemies that will cause a fight to the death if ever tribesmen from the different villages meet. The Chikruii’ were sworn enemies of the Itswilla-sha’n. And it was the Chikruii’ who were now watching Mombatsu.

The Chikruii’ , led by their king Aluhashyu, were known for their ability to train animals and reptiles. They were so adept at this, that they would use the animals and reptiles (especially alligators) to attack their enemies for them so they would not have to unveil themselves in battle. The Chikruii’ thought so highly of their animals and reptiles that they treated them like kings. They would not even hunt or eat them. They lived on grass, tree bark and rival tribesmen. The Chikruii’ were cannibals, headhunters as it were. They trained their “pets” so well, that the “pets” could go out and fetch rival tribesmen for them so the Chikruii’ could feast.

As Mombatsu became more cunning and stealthy, he also had become more skilled in making his own hunting tools, like spears and arrows. The jungle animals and reptiles began to fear Mombatsu, even the ones that were trained by the Chikruii’. So king Aluhashyu decided he would send his personal alligator out to “fetch” Mombatsu. What happened next is too gruesome to print. Man versus beast. It was not pretty. But, after 3 solid days of fighting, the alligator emerged victorious. The alligator defeated Mombatsu but not before Mombatsu had lodged his trusty, 3-pronged spear he had made for this battle, into the back of the neck of the alligator.

The alligator was so exhausted after the battle, and hurt from the spear being stuck into its back, that it decided to rest by the bank of a bustling river. The alligator fell asleep and slid into the river and began being tossed about. King Aluhashyu grew troubled. He had not heard from or seen his alligator in days and rounded up some of his loyal subjects to go on a search. They searched high and low until one of the searchers found where the battle took place and where the alligator had slid into the raging river. He jumped in. In what seemed like months he was encapsulated in water. Finally he reached the shore…the shore of a place very unfamiliar to him. The people looked different and spoke many different languages. There was no jungle, only palm trees and sand. King Aluhashyu finally came across a native that spoke his language and asked about his alligator. “Yes, Yes”, the man replied. “I’ve seen your alligator when he washed up here as well. He took off down that alley.” At once, King Aluhashyu was off, on the trail of his pet alligator. After a while, he came across the remains of his former pet. The king became very sad and tears welled up in his eyes. After sobbing and crying in his native tongue, he suddenly realized that the head was missing. There was hope! King Aluhashyu knew that he had trained the alligator to be receptive to him as long as the head was ok. He mustered all the concentration he had and attempted to communicate with his alligator, “Al, you must seek revenge on the person who did this to you, in this alley! Your body should not lie in vain. Your head is strong…you can still attack…let me know where you are…” At this, the king collapsed after using all his strength.

After waking up, he felt as if he were hearing a voice…it was his pet alligator, he knew it! “King Aluhashyu, master, I tried to seek revenge, but alas I was defeated again…actually I was put on hold until after lunch. I am still here and am waiting for a more opportune time. I will tell you where to find me…I’m at…”

The King had all the info he needed and proceeded to call the supreme warrior who had defeated his alligator. When he called all he got was an answering service and he was very, very upset!

At least that’s what he said in my voicemail. :)

btw - the spear is an awesome tool for eating my yogurt covered raisins...